Loneliness - the Entity

Yawning abyss - that black hole in your soul

like a gaping wound you try to stanch the flow

of hope and dreams

escaping your grasping fingers

as you wrap your arms tighter around your heart

Big black hole - like a ravenous mouth eating at your heart

hungry for more

hungry for your soul 

you alone stand to battle

with bare hands

against the dragon of your very being - your  own creation

the dragon's mouth the yawning abyss

the fire inside

the fear

the fear

You stand in that big empty black cave

no sound but the insistent  plop of the distant water

or blood. . .

Your ears strain to catch the sound

of happy voices

others

even one sad cry. . .

someone

where are you . . . where are you - anyone?

No one is there but you alone

trying to appease the dragon inside you. . .

you inside the dragon

Is it love that contains you there 

ensnaring you behind the sharp teeth

like prison bars

dripping with poison and contempt?

Is it hate that embraces you with skeletal arms

enshrouding you in its violence

its hatred sneering at your tears.

No one to hold your hand and walk your walk

No one to hear your words and share the talk

Oh - God am I the only one

the only one

so alone

so cold

?

I hope so

for the pain is too great to bear

the heart wrenches itself from the breast

and tries to escape

with its life-giving rhythm

like a precious jewel

falling away and lost forever.

OH
I pull myself together wiping away my tears
put some color on my pale cheeks
Put a big smile on my face
Don't forget the crinkle and twinkle in my eyes -

and go out to meet my friends
in the places of light and sound
for
I too can laugh and play
always being the clown
They love me there
hugs and kisses
in that world



But still -      NO ONE is in that hellish place with me
No knights in shining armor - nothing - 
No life raft to float me away - nothing
No big shiny happy ever after ending - nothing
No rescue from the burning building - and again I say - nothing. . .


So - I turn inward
and thus I am truly lost. . .

This one came streaming out of me like the crystal stream my sister and I found once - pouring out from under an old tree in the beautiful wilderness of Eagle Creek - where we hiked for days and slept under the open sky and saw such heavenly beauty that it is indescribable. Perhaps the dark ugly stories are sometimes easier to explain.

Joy and Peace for all of 2010!