Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Should I Take Down My Blog . . . Ramblings

I am at a point in my blog writing career where I wonder if anyone is out there . . . does anyone like my stuff at all . . . my ramblings . . .  my poetry . . . or my photography . . .???

Is there anyone looking at my stuff? I know a couple of my friends do . . . But I feel so alone here . . .. Does anyone look at my pictures and like them . .  no one ever says . . not once has anyone said I took at least one good picture . . .  Are they all that bad? Isn't there at least one picture that appeals to someone? Why doesn't anyone tell me how bad they are . . .??  Is it because they are all so outrageously bad that people just assume that I know? 

Are my poems that bad too . . . why don't people say something . . .. like, "Excuse me Ma'am . . . but are you kidding? Your art is impossibly bad and people are stopping by to laugh at it . . .You are the laughingstock of the Internet .  . didn't you know?"  At least that is the impression I am beginning to understand . . .

Please - I feel so low . . . I took pictures to entertain people and wrote poetry and music reviews and I offer Jamendo widgets for music and I have been doing this for several months now . . . and I feel invisible! So very invisible . . .

My pictures and my writings aren't just my expressions . . . they are extensions of myself . . If I take down my blog, if I take it off of the Internet, it will be like killing a part of myself . . it will be a form of suicide . . . but I can't stand it anymore . . . I can't stand sending my poems and pictures into a black hole . . . they just disappear without a remark from anyone . . . time and time again . . .

Now . . . I listen to music on Jamendo and write comments for the musicians . . . maybe they think those writings are stupid too . . . maybe I am really oblivious to how wretched my writings really are ..... or any of my other so called art .  . I like the stuff . . . but that doesn't mean anything at all . . I am probably just showing the world what an idiot I am . . . so I apologize . .. and I am embarrassed at exposing myself so poorly . ..

Well . . . if you or anyone else is reading this . . you will see that I am in despair and very depressed . . . But this depression has been making its way up . . . and has finally bubbled its way to the surface of my awareness . . .

I don't know what else to say .  .  . 




Terry said...

Your stuff is great your pics and poems are awesome

Terry said...

Your pics and poems are awesome

Anto said...

Hi Barbara.
I opened your blog just before going to bed ... (should be in bed far-back ) and I saw that your message.
I'm so sorry you feel these feelings. I love your blog, your photos and your poems, but my work does not allow me much free time in this period... it's difficult to have time to read, understand properly (because English is not my language) and leave a message... but often, although I don't write anything (my English is not fluent and I don't trust the Google translations), I follow you and read your poetry...
Barbara You're not invisible!!!
Thanks for being there...
With lots of love ♥♥♥
P.S. Please... correct my mistakes in translation, to make haste... I used Google! :-)

Brenda said...

Sweetie, you have more followers than me, and probably get more comments than I do.

When I wish for more of a 'community' I post at Gather - there 's a great group of folks there and I'd really recommend tossing a few posts that way to test it out. Gather is similar to Jamendo in that it set out to create a community of writers, artists, photographers, musicians, etc.

Blogger is a different field. I like the relative emptiness, the way I can collect my posts in one place in a kind of archive of my work.

If you're missing connection, feedback, community, try Gather. I spent a few years at Xanga too, but prefer Gather.

Though you can't post Jamendo's beautiful widgets there, it is possible to link to music. And your gorgeous photographs will be adored, just adored, as will your poetry.

Ted said...

No, keep it going...great pictures, have enjoyed the Jamendo reviews...will return to read more...good luck Ted Shepard

CŒDES Pierre-Marie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CŒDES Pierre-Marie said...

We artists, feel the way you do at times, but the internet increasse that bad feeling, because there is no face to face immediate exchange. In your style, Barb, you are a great producer, you write almost, if not everyday, and you post each time beautiful pictures to illustrate your very personal poems (this is the way I receive them - as something very personal, coming out of the depths of your human psyche).
If I had to produce so much music as you produce so much writing, I just could not keep the pace up.
But, as an artist, I want to emphasize that what you create, you must create for your own pleasure, in the first place, because you have to do it, it's got to get out ! Then be satisfied and wait. As a creator, the vibrations you put on your blog will reach people one way or the other, anytime, when necessary, they will find when needed a poem that fits their mood, whatever it is.
Your blog is a treasure. You think it is hidden. But as any treasure, people will have to search, look for it, it is not Tiffany's showcasing things to buy, it is a lively trunk. Such beauties may puzzle people, so much they don't dare to leave words that would not seem fit to what they have found.
Never mind, ENJOY yourself, keep on giving the best you have to give, as you do.
And about rambling : the great italian cinematographer Federico Fellini said that all great artists kept on all through their work fiddling with the same idea, showing the different facets of the same diamond.
I know what your diamond is and how you want to desperately understand it, see all its facets at the same time. . . let it glow, make it shine, people will see how beautiful it is, someday, somehow. . .
Love you Barb.

Carlos said...

My dear friend ...

due to a series of events and strange coincidences along my life so far, I reached to the conclusion that nothing happens by a mere luck of the draw or simple chance... and I'm not talking of any kind of fateful destiny, no... I am talking of some kind of sensitiveness or awareness that I have, or should I say that we all have, which permits us some orientation in this life and in many cases, a helping hand. You are not alone... your perception or notion of being alone, is merely a necessity that in some way, is not getting an adequate response at the level of your immediate needs... believe me, it's just a momentary lack... and there's always someone there, who cares.

Look at me... I am the biggest of fools... I love to love... music, poetry and pictures are some of my loves... and a few people, too. I like being an emotional fool... despite those difficult moments when the need surpasses the pleasure of giving...

I love your words, your pictures, many of your musical tastes... but being a fool, I sometimes forget to say it... and there are way to many fools all over the world... just like me... just like you.

You have to understand and visualize yourself as the principal objective of whatever you do... it's you that should benefit of all your achievements in the first place... whatever you do, do it for the pleasure it gives to you... for love... and someone will certainly love you for that, too.

I sympathized with you, since my first days of adventures in Jamendo and even if I want to explain you the reasons why that happened, I wouldn't know exactly how to do it and I don't feel the need of knowing them... you give me a lot, just by giving... just by being what I sense that you are.

Don't keep wanting the whole world to love you... it's a heavy burden... whenever you need some love, look inside your heart and see who's there... remember, you are only one and the love of another is always sufficient at a time... and the others, have also needs and just like you, may also be urging for some love... or a simple appreciation word.

We are all beggars and donors my friend, without exception... and as long as we keep the giving and taking more or less balanced, life goes on... imperceptibly happy.

Remember, nothing happens by chance... and the ones who really love us, are not often the ones that come up with pretty words... though we all appreciate them.

You are beautiful to many... I'm sure.

To me... you are!

Love you!


CŒDES Pierre-Marie said...

Barb, I fully agree with what Carlos says.
When you enjoy doing things, for yourself, being happy to do them, you nourish your inner self and like a lighthouse, you will glow in the night for those in need to find what you have to give them.
You know me... I know you... I understand you... and I love you.

(sorry for the double post, the second is the good one)

Wolfsong said...

Your comments have all touched my heart and you are all so very kind . . . I have been thinking about what went wrong and I am jotting down some thoughts and impressions and will post them later . . . I think I just needed to back off and get a different perspective of how I deal with my emotions over my writings . . and take a different attitude . . .

Thank you again . .. my friends . . and I am sorry for my emotional breakdown . . again . . and I love you . .